I feel like I can finally take a breath of fresh air after many grueling long nights of school for the past three months.
A lot has been on my mind recently. Let’s see if I can compress them concisely and in a constructive way instead of letting it all spill out without thought or order.
- Real tired. Want some real rest in Christ. I’m really glad that God has been sustaining me through his word and speaking to me through it. It’s been so nourishing and life giving. That really was the game changer. Learning about rhythms is helpful as well. Knowing my limits, taking time to meditate and rest, being in the moment and just doing hat I can for that day trusting in the sovereignty of God as Father has been wonderfully good.
- Excited for pursuing legacy. Malachi has been a timely series for me going on 23 and into a new year. 2013 has been an insane journey. Lots of very dark times, but Jesus has redeemed it. He’s shown me grace and power despite who I am and the ways that I rebel and pursue folly. He’s lifted me from shame and condemnation through his cross and his suffering for me. I am no longer enslaved to accusation or shame, but I am free. I have a new identity in him and a new position in him as adopted son into a new family. It’s quite unbelievable to say the least.
- Burden for my character, my family, the city, and the next few months. I’m finding that there are some amazingly good desires that Jesus has placed in my heart. A desire to love my family, a desire to love his people, a desire to step out in faith to love and know the city, a desire to see collaboration among diverse family, a desire to see holistic restoration of communities, a desire for shalom in some sense. I’m encouraged that Jesus is giving me his desires and giving me his strength and his power to take one step forward at a time. I’m encouraged that the Spirit speaks to me and surrounds me with grace. I’m encouraged that though war-time is brutal, I can find rest and shalom in him no matter where I am. I’m also encouraged at the ways Jesus is challenging me and shaping my character. I’m always seeing areas that I am immature in, areas that I know nothing about, areas that I flat out fail in – in essence, I feel very aware of my shortcomings, yet I hope in the fact that Jesus knows them all and is at work and is more concerned about my development than I am. That’s a great relief! This goes for all the other things mentioned above. If Jesus didn’t remind me that he is in control, I’d either be in a spiral of inward despair or absolutely jaded and hating everyone. Instead, I can endure some of the cold, weary, dark, and difficult moments of life because I know he is leading me in it. I need not be afraid or shaken – he is my strength, my comfort, my rest.