Convicted to Reverse Engineer

I’ve been having many dreams as of late, but I think this one is urgent. 

Hearing about the death of a high school peer may have had to do with it. Feeling convicted that I’m living to be pleased rather than because I am saved could be part of it too. I don’t know. 

I had a dream that I died. I was at my own funeral. Everyone I knew was there. This was following Phil Nguyen’s. I don’t now why him.

Regardless, I remember waving at grandma and seeing mom and dad. Somehow grandma saw me and waved. I remember I started bawling because I regretted not loving her well. Same with my parents. I regretted not making a lasting impact on people that I knew. I regretted that I squandered my life being busy instead of listening to Jesus and following as he lead me. I felt a vain regret as people sang worship songs at my service instead of seeing my life as a reflection of God’s grace that is available to them as well. 

I woke up hearing that I don’t have to continue living this way. That the Lord is near and that I can repent. I heard that his grace covers my sin and I need to sin no more. I can live free and live new. I don’t need to go back and waste it all. I need to abide and follow. 

I know I said a lot of I’s, but I think the Holy Spirit may use it to start getting my head and heart right.